The consequences of your denial will be with you for a lifetime and will be passed down to the next generations.
Break your Silence on Abuse!!! ~~~Patty Rase Hopson
INDEX PAGE
For Child Sexual Abuse In the 2x2's: - - Click on any of these top
FIVE LINKS
Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.
----Herbert Ward
" ... He has sent me to
bind up the brokenhearted,
to bring freedom to the captives,
comfort to those who mourn,
beauty for their ashes,
and joy for their mourning ... "
Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
Australian Ex-minister on Child Sex Charges - 2003
Myths and Facts About Sex Offenders
Lies Abusers Tell Their Victims
The Management and Containment of Sex Offenders
Center for Sex Offender Management
Rape is a crime, talking about it isn't.
SPEAK!
- - -COMMENTS- - -
Encouragement Is...
To give courage, hope and support mixed with grace and love.
To foster with care and comfort.
...for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Here is a comment made by Lisa in VOT'S forum that needs to be emphasized:
"This (sexual abuse) is the issue that finally prompted me to leave this group. It has been inconceivable to me how the 'friends' will excuse away sexual abuse. My defining moment came while talking to my husband. I was saying maybe organizations are best changed from within, and maybe I should stay in and try to change things from the inside.
He said that, in his opinion, that would be a good idea if I were trying to change CUSTOMS (like hair, skirts, whatever), but that he didn't feel it was the right choice if we are talking about ILLEGAL activity.
Don't forget that CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE is ILLEGAL BEHAVIOR, and people are actively shielding criminals. We should have ZERO TOLERANCE for this behavior, and no one should be criticized for speaking out about criminal behavior, especially against children."Printed With Permission
Hi Gang,
Pardon my lack of pronunciation - - I have a ways to go in the typing arena and have enough on my hands traveling around this keyboard!! I have read quite a few messages from this list, and am very happy to see an open forum.
A little history:
I was born and bred into this hideous cult we speak of and I am all for open information amongst its members. I am deeply disturbed and concerned in regards to the rampant child abuse that exists in this cleverly organized group. It certainly is not confined to this organization, yet the abuse is beyond the reach of any agency in place to protect children due to its anonymity in the general publics awareness.
My brother and myself were subject to extreme physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a self-righteous parent - - not to mention the prevailing spiritual abuse we suffered at the hands of this cult.
I was sexually used by an elder in our locale from around age 5 to age 11 up until his death. His behaviour was known both to my mother and another "friend" who he attacked sexually in her home.
Needless to say, neither of them took any action in my defense, and so it continued on years after I told my mother what he was doing. Her response was that he was just being "affectionate" and that I should be grateful than an esteemed elder was interested in being our surrogate grandfather.
I have traveled through "hell" in a sense, that leaves me unafraid of any theological hell used to scare me into submission. I have not found any sense in any religion. I have studied and define myself therefore, as agnostically atheist. What I mean by that is that I have no faith in any sort of god or goddess, yet, it wouldn't surprise me if there were a lot of sadistic superhuman beings up there amusing themselves with the mechanisms of our fates as they have created them. I believe that literally anything is possible and that our minds are not equipped to understand everything behind the scenes.
I am searching for information about an Ex-worker named, Dale Jinks, who was in the work during the 60s - - I need to know why he left the work (or was kicked out). I am dealing with nightmares and flashbacks of a visit to his home in later years and it may fill in some blanks for both myself and my younger brother.
He was raised in CA and may have been in an OR field as well. Any information would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading this and best wishes in your healing.
Greetings _ _ _ _ _ _ _,
Thank you for sharing your story. My own story is similar.
I was abused as a child by a young “brother” worker. Unlike your situation, my mother figured out what happened and after a visit from the older worker, the offending party quickly left the “work.”
It seems I was not the only victim.
My parents were very supportive and protective, for which I am grateful. As a result, I escaped with no real emotional damage. I left the sect a few years later for other reasons, and my abuse is only a footnote to my bio.
Like you, I became an agnostic, and remained so for about 10 years. God didn't give up on me and neither did my Baptist wife. I believed there probably was a supreme being of some sort, but I couldn't believe the concept of him I was raised to understand.
One of the problems we B&Rs have is that we were not raised to know a loving, merciful God. It took me quite a while to come to know God as he is understood in most of Christendom. My church (Presbyterian) is a wonderful source of strength and comfort to me. I hope you can find a church that will nourish and protect you. It may be Methodist, Baptist, or non-denominational, but there are many loving caring Christians out there.
One of the sad ironies of the 'truth,' is that it drives so many of us so far from God. The problem is with the system, not with God. It took me a long time to figure that out.
I don't know your name, but you will be in my prayers tonight. I can imagine the struggle you are facing, and the pain, fear and confusion that remains.
God Bless!
RK
P.S. Don't know Dale Jinks, but the name sounds vaguely familiar.
ABUSER INFORMATION
The first thing to remember about people who abuse other people is that they do not look like abusers. You can’t tell by looking. Abusers seem normal.
Judith Herman summarizes this well:
Little is known about the mind of the perpetrator. Since he is contemptuous of those who seek to understand him, he does
not volunteer to be studied. Since he does not perceive that anything is wrong with him, he does not seek help–unless he is in trouble with the law. His most consistent feature, in both the testimony of victims and the observations of psychologists, is his apparent normality. Ordinary concepts of psychopathology fail to define or comprehend him.
A second important thing to remember is that not all abusers are the same. Because ‘abuse’ involves such a wide range of
different kinds of behavior. . . it is almost impossible to generalize about the psychological makeup or motivations of people
who abuse.
There are many common misconceptions about abusers/offenders. If your only images are of dirty old men or flashers in
trench coats, you may be quite surprised when a respected member of your church is arrested for a sex crime.
Why people abuse others
Why people abuse is a very complicated question. Some theories which have been proposed include:
1.) Biological Theories - These theories suggest there is some kind of organic explanation for abusive behavior. For example, some people have suggested that correlations between androgen levels and aggression might help to explain why some
people commit rape. .
2.) Psychodynamic theories - For example, the notion that abusive people did not successfully resolve oedipal conflicts during the phallic stage of development. Or the notion that are lacking in a strong superego which has become overwhelmed by their primal id.
3.) Behavioral Theories - Behavioral theories focus on abusive behavior as learned, acquired. The focus is often on how a
person becomes ‘conditioned’ to abuse. This might include the notion that abusers are reenacting their own childhood
trauma. Abuse allows them to connect with their trauma but puts them in a more powerful role.
4.) Attachment Theories Attachment theories focus on how attachment deficits of various kinds can contribute to offending
behaviors.
5.) Cognitive-Behavioral Theories At the center of cognitive-behavioral theories are distorted thinking patterns. Most obviously abusers deny responsibility, make excuses, construct justifications, deny that any harm was done etc. Ward and Keenan3
identfied five core cognitive distortions common among abusers:
Children as sexual objects. Children, like adults, are motivated by a desire for pleasure and are capable of enjoying
and desiring sex.
Entitlement. The desires and beliefs of the abuser are paramount and those of the victim are either ignored or viewed
as only of secondary importance.
Dangerous world. The abuser views other adults as being abusive and/or unreliable and perceives that they will reject him in promotion of their own needs.
Uncontrollability. The abuser perceives his environment as uncontrollable wherein people are not able to exert any major influence over their personal behavior and/or the world around them.
Nature of harm. The abuser considers the degree of harm to his victim and perceives sexual activity as beneficial and unlikely to harm a person.
* Moral Theories Abuse is a kind of morally meaningful behavior not a psychological problem — abusers do what they do because they want to do it. It is a moral failure not a psychological illness.
See for example: Why Adults Molest Children by Ron Kokish
Integrated Theories David Finkelhor, one of the most prominent researchers on child abuse, has proposed that four
preconditions must exist for sexual abuse to take place.4First, there must be a person who is motivated to abuse a child
sexually.
Finkelhor suggests that there are three components to this motivation:emotional congruence (sexual interaction
with a child must somehow ‘make emotional sense’ in the experience of the abuser)sexual arousal (in addition to ‘making
emotional sense’ the abuser-to-be must experience interactions with children as a potential path to sexual gratification)
blockage (other sources of sexual gratification are either unavailable or experienced as less satisfying)Second, an abuser
must be able to overcome normal internal inhibitions. The assumption is that everybody has inhibitions to sexual relations
with children. Everyone is (thankfully!) inhibited by social, moral or psychological factors (eg: incest taboos). But abusers find ways to overcome these inhibitions. Alcohol consumption is in many cases a key factor which allows abusers to overcome inhibitions.Thirdly, an abuser must overcome external inhibitions. Churches that screen child-care workers set up an external inhibition for abusers who are registered sex offenders. That’s good. Healthy families teach self-protection skills to their kids.
That’s an external inhibition. That’s good. Unfortunately, relying entirely on robust external inhibitions is not a very effective
strategy for reducing child abuse. Abusers are just as able to overcome external inhibitions as they are able to overcome
internal inhibitions.Finally, an abuser must overcome a child’s resistance. Abusers often have extraordinary ‘radar’ for a
child’s emotionally vulnerabilities, dependencies and loyalties. Abusers often begin relationships with nurture and support and only gradually introduce abusive behaviors. Note the emphasis on “a child’s resistance”. People who have been abused often struggle with “their role” or “their part” in the abuse. Maybe I didn’t resist enough. Maybe I didn’t tell soon enough. Maybe
there were pleasurable elements to the exchanges. `
* Misc Theories (may fit in above categores) Abusers have impulse control disorders — often complicated by substance
abuse. Abusers are sexual addicts. Sexual addiction is a progressive illness and can in it’s later stages lead to offending
behaviors. Abusers are under a lot of stress. Think here of elder abuse where the abuser is perhaps a family member with
‘compassion fatigue.’ Abusers have a non-normative sexual preference — nothing is wrong with them, the problem is with a
shaming culture which fails to accept and affirm them as they are.
Characteristics of Abusers
There have been many attempts to look for typical personality characteristics of abusers in the hope of developing a kind of
typology or ‘profile’ of abusive persons. These efforts have not been very successful.5 Lots of different kinds of people abuse others. There are therefore some dangers associated with making lists of characteristics of abusers. There are people who don’t fit the pattern but who will offend. And there are lots of people who match any list of characteristics who do not offend.
With these limitations in mind, here is a list that I found to be useful.6 This list is limited to sex offenders but the
characteristics might overlap with some other kinds of abusers.
* Secrecy and dishonesty is a major component of sex offending behavior. Sex crimes flourish in silence and deception.
* Sex offenders typically have developed complicated and persistent psychological and social systems constructed to
assist them in denying and minimizing the harm they inflict on others, and often they are very accomplished at presenting to others a façade designed to conceal the truth about themselves.
* Cognitive distortions allow the sex offender to justify, rationalize, and minimize the impact of their deviant behavior (i.e. “I was drunk”, “We were in love”, “She came on to me”, “The child wanted it and I did not have the heart to say no”).
* Sex offenders use thinking errors to engage in deviant sex. The following are some examples:
1. Mr. Good Guy-“I wear a mask or false front”. “I give the right answer”.
2. Poor me-“I am the victim of this unjust system”. “Everyone is out to get me”.
3. Victim stance-“I am the one hurt”. “I will convince others that I was more hurt than the victim”.
4. Power play-“It is my way or the highway”. “I will dominate and control others”.
5. Entitlement- “The world owes me”.
6. Selfish-“I do not care for others”. “I want what I want when I want it”.
7. Blaming- “I blame others so I can avoid responsibility for my actions”.
8. Minimizing- “I only fondled the child”. “It wasn’t intrinsically harmful”.
9. Hop Over-“I do not answer questions when I know the answer is unpleasant”.
10. Secretiveness-“I use secrecy to control others and continue being deviant”
* Sex offenders are highly manipulative and will triangulate/split those around them. The skills used to manipulate victims are employed to manipulate family members, friends, co-workers, supervision officers, treatment providers, and case
managers.
* Grooming activities are not solely for potential victims. Offenders will groom parents to obtain access to children.
Grooming is well-organized and can be short or long term.
* The longer a sex offender knows an individual the better they are at “zeroing in” their grooming (“I can read people like a book. I know what others need and I am available to help out”.)
* The longer a sex offender is on supervision the higher the probability staff will lose their objectivity.
* Sex offenders are generally personable and seek to “befriend” those around them (“My smile is my entrée”. “I ‘m like a
salesman but I’m never off work”.)
* Sex offenders will continually test boundaries (personal/professional space).
* Sex offenders exploit relationships and social norms to test boundaries.
* Sex offenders seek professions that allow them access to victims.
Do Abused Persons Become Abusers?
Cycle of Sexual Abuse: Research Inconclusive [PDF] Summary: “the experience of childhood sexual victimization is quite
likely neither a necessary nor a sufficient cause of adult sexual offending.”
M. Glasser and I. Kolvin, Cycle of child sexual abuse: links between being a victim and becoming a perpetrator The British
Journal of Psychiatry (2001) 179: 482-494
See also comments on this article here:
See also a report from National Institute of Justice: [PDF] An Update on the “Cycle of Violence” Summary:
“Although many individuals in both groups had no juvenile or adult criminal record, being abused or neglected as a child increased the likelihood of arrest as a juvenile by 59 percent, as an adult by 28 percent, and for a violent crime by 30 percent.” Note that this study only looked at people within view of the criminal justice system. It relied on arrest records to measure criminality.
Can Abusers be Treated Effectively?
Sex Offender Treatment: Does It Work? Is It Worth It? by Ron Kokish
The Effectiveness of Sex Offender Treatment
Ron Langevin. et al., Lifetime Sex Offender Recidivism: A 25-Year Follow-Up Study. Canadian Journal of Criminology &
Criminal Justice, Oct2004, Vol. 46 Issue 5, p531 [Full text available on line at EBSCOhost. Accession Number: 15192185]
For a short introduction to sexual addiction read this interview with Mark Laaser. Here are the key exchanges:
STEPS: I’d like to start by talking about some of the common myths and misunderstandings about sexual addiction. First of all, there have been quite a few stories in the news recently about sexual offenders. In several conversations about those news reports I have been struck by the fact that people in the Christian community are often unable to distinguish between sexual offenders and sexual addicts.
Mark: It’s a common misunderstanding.
But only a very small percentage of sexual addicts become sexual offenders. The cases that make the newspapers are, however, the most perverse cases and therefore have an exaggerated effect on
people’s perception of the problem of sexual addiction. But offenders are only 1 percent or less of the people who struggle
with sexual addiction. It’s important to remember than a sexual offender is a person who has used physical force to gain
sexual access or who has used some kind of emotional or even spiritual force to gain control over a person physically,
emotionally or spiritually in order to gain sexual access. That improper use of force or authority is what, in my mind, puts a
person in the category of sexual offender. For example, a pastor who uses the authority of his role to gain sexual access to people who respect that authority – that’s what we mean by sexual offender.
STEPS: Most sexual addicts are not in that category?
Mark: No. For a person to commit a sexual offence there may also have to be other emotional or spiritual problems
present. It may not be just pure sexual addiction. There have been a couple of studies that have suggested that among
incarcerated sexual offenders, people in jail for their actions, only about 50% are sexual addicts. So there are obviously
some other dynamics going on with sexual offenders in addition to sexual addiction.
