Here are three very helpful websites
that use Christian counseling through a church.
They use a great journaling tool workbook called "Divorce Care."
It is in the form of a Christian devotional book and the questions in it are all geared to lead a person to wholeness by utilizing scripture.
The three websites are:
"Sex, Romance and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know"
by C.J. Mahaney
Encouragement For the Times When It's All Up to You By Susie Larson by Guy Duty
"Divorce" by John Murray
"A Marriage Without Regrets" by Kay Arthur
"Lost in Translation: How Men and Women Can Understand Each Other" by Dr. Steve Stephens
"Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage" by Gary Smalley
"Hidden Keys To Loving Relationships" The Gary Smalley Series VHS Tape Set
As most of you know, Lesley White is now the head worker of Colorado. Up until his holy arrival here about 10 years or so ago, divorced people could not take part in meeting. Oh, how the 2x2 people here loved this man's arrival. All of the 2x2 parents who had divorced kids were so happy because their divorced kids could, all of a sudden, remarry and take part!
So these poor ole' folks born way back into the oppression of "THE WAY" of the 20's, 30's and 40's. (ME, for one) were also told that if they were divorced, and in many cases, the cause didn't seem to matter, they couldn't remarry and they couldn't take part in meeting if they did remarry. So, I personally know several poor old 2x2 ladies that I feel <so sorry> for, who have lived in bondage to this "rule," living in isolation, and living <very> lonely lives!!! After all, the rule was......."You better not remarry and if you do, you <can't> take part in meeting......but "THE WAY" doesn't change, we have to remember, so who would ever think (certainly not these poor ole' ladies adhering to "THE WORKER LAW") that a few years down the road in Colorado............what <WAS>, has now been done away with!!!
I cannot think of enough adjectives to describe how bad I feel for the 2x2 people of years ago. Many of them going to their graves never knowing anything different.
So these poor old people born back in those years, persecuted and oppressed, and subjected to rejection, manipulation and fear if they crossed a worker, had to survive in this powerful cult..............what were they to do???? So they developed coping skills.................self-righteousness, piousness, sanctimoniousness, puritanicalism.......with all the lessons of helplessness and dependency to the "WAY" taught by the workers............they <had> to have some control over their own lives. So they developed these skills of manipulation, piousness, self-righteousness, critical spirit, but with an odd twist of passivity! They were in a belief system (CULT) that took away their dignity and sense of self-worth. They lived with abuse and so they modeled abuse to their families. (ME, for one) They had to tolerate anything for the sake of "THE KINGDOM!!!"
The subjection to psychological abuse made it virtually impossible to free themselves.
Cheryle
9/99
* My dad divorced her against her will about 20 years ago however she has always considered herself still married--even though my dad remarried. My dad died last January and I asked her if she had any thoughts about getting married again and the sweetest smile came over her face. She said she doesn't have anyone in mind but I could tell just the thought of it warmed her heart and gave her something to look forward to. Later I felt very sad for her that she had to wait 20 years (the best years of her life) because the 'faith' outlaws remarriage--she is now 71 yrs old.
* The book that has been mentioned in other posts called "Divorce and Remarriage" by Guy Duty (not to be confused with Divorce and Remarriage by Ralph Woodrow) is excellent. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in this subject. It was such an eye opener.
* Divorcees are viewed by many as sub-saints. They suffer from lack of fellowship too. Since there aren’t very many of them, they don't fit in with married couples or the singles, so they get ignored. The same goes for those who marry outside.
* The discussion about divorce touches my heart, too. My mother is divorced, and very much fits in that category as "not quite as good" as other truthers. She is left out of things all the time, was not allowed to take part in meeting for a while after her divorce (?) until the workers told her she could. Oh, the power and lordship of the almighty worker!!! (again, thick sarcasm!) My poor mom went through so much just to remain "faithful"....and she still does.
* Just to bring you up to date... the "truthers" used to outlaw remarriage, but now it is quite a common practice, with the workers blessing, in some parts of the world, and still outlawed in other parts. No doubt you are aware of the controversy on that issue. The eastern US is pro-remarriage, while the west is against it. The rest of the world is split too, as I understand it. 9/96
*Divorcees fear they will go to hell if they remarry. Remarriage in such cases is considered by some workers and "truthers" to be "living in adultery." This idea is taken from Matthew 19:9, and 1 Corinthians 6:9 which says "...adulterers shall not inherit the Kingdom of God." Some of the friends will not have fellowship with divorced and remarried couples/individuals as they interpret James 4:4 as saying that if you are friends with an adulterer, you are an enemy with God. For anyone troubled by these verses, or remarriage, a book that is highly recommended is: "Divorce and Remarriage: What Does the Bible Really Say?" by Ralph Woodrow.
* In 1996 Harold Hilton stated at convention, that: "Professing people who marry 'worldy' people are just throwing their children's lives away."
Respect Others—Even if They Haven't Earned It
(How to Respect People Who Don't "Deserve" Respect)
(c) 2005 by Doug Britton (Permission granted to print for personal use)
Show proper respect to everyone (1 Peter 2:17).
Introduction: It can be hard to respect others.
When counseling with couples, I often hear one person say something along the lines of, "He (or she) hasn't earned my respect." Parents often say this of their teenage children. Most of us slip into this way of thinking when we talk about politicians.
It's normal to feel this way, yet it isn't the attitude God wants us to have. We can be aware of others' faults, and there may be times when we need to confront sin, yet the Bible tells us that we need to maintain an attitude of respect for everybody.
May these guidelines, adapted from Chapter 5 of the book Encourage Your Spouse, help you develop a godly, respectful attitude toward those around you.
Show respect because God commands it.
A good starting point is to respect others because God said to. For example, we read in the Bible that husbands and wives are to respect their spouse:
... and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect ... (1 Peter 3:7)
The same principle applies to other relationships. Peter wrote that we should show respect to everyone and honor the king, although the king in those days was an evil person
Respect others because of their position.
You can respect your spouse, child, parent, boss or others because of their position. For example, after David killed Goliath, he became more popular than King Saul. Saul became jealous and determined to kill David, so David fled.
Saul gathered his army and chased David. On two different occasions, when Saul’s army was pursuing David, David had the chance to kill Saul.
Most of us would say that David had every right to kill Saul. After all, Saul was trying to kill him. Yet although he knew that Saul’s actions did not deserve respect, David honored Saul as his king and refused to kill him. At his second opportunity to kill Saul, David said, "The LORD forbid that I should lay a hand on the LORD’S anointed" (1 Samuel 26:11).
God wants you to respect others because of their position in your life.
Acknowledge that others have weaknesses.
Everyone is imperfect. Be careful not to let their failures erode your respect for their good qualities.
Look for things that you can respect.
You can find something to respect in anybody if you look hard enough.
Respect others as children of God.
When with Christians, you are with God’s children and should honor them accordingly—regardless of how they are acting. (When with non-Christians, respect is still necessary!)
Respect others as made in the image of God.
The Bible says, "For in the image of God has God made man" (Genesis 9:6). Whether or not someone is a Christian, honor him or her as God’s creation.
Honor others because God loves them.
The Bible says, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:10). Do not dishonor someone God loves.
Respect others' desire to be good people.
Your husband, wife, child, boss or employee may make foolish decisions. He or she may be lazy and forgetful. Yet chances are good he or she wants to be a good person and do the right thing. You can respect the desire of someone's heart even if you are disappointed by his or her actions.
Honor others for their potential.
See others as God does. Each of us has an amazing potential. Gideon was a fearful man, living hidden from the enemy, yet the angel of the Lord greeted him by saying, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior" (Judges 6:12). The angel’s greeting was not because of anything Gideon had done, but because he knew how God planned to use Gideon.
Personal application:
Who is someone you have had trouble respecting?
Which of these insights will help you treat him or her with more respect ... even if he or she has not "earned" your respect?
