Diane Hensley's Testimony

I am a female living in West Virginia. I have lived in West Virginia all my life. I am now 59 years old and have four brothers and one sister. I am the third child and we were raised in a professing home from the time I was six years of age. Both my parents professed. My mother was raised in it, her parents giving up all they had to be worthy of having meetings in their home. The workers stayed there weeks at a time. The door to the house was never locked and the workers and their friends came and went whenever they wished. My grandparents would sometimes get up on a weekend and have around a dozen for breakfast. My grandmother wasn’t a strong woman, but a woman who loved the Lord and would do anything to please the workers. One bedroom belonged only to the workers and no one else was allowed in it.

I wanted to profess many years before I did, but didn’t think I could speak in meetings. I was very shy and was afraid I would not please the workers and I sure wanted to make sure they were pleased. However, I did profess when I was 16 at convention. I was so happy, but don’t know why. I did not profess for salvation, but only to please the workers and then my parents and friends. I knew absolutely nothing about the Bible because when I read it, I got a completely different meaning than the workers got.

So, how in this world could I speak in a meeting, when I had no vision??

I professed for 42 years, I believe. The first time I prayed, my dad said I prayed wrong and told me how to pray in the right form. I was so hurt. I wanted to make such an impression on others. I didn’t think about pleasing God and giving God the credit for anything, it all belonged to the workers and those in the meeting.

I was never loved by my parents. In fact, I was sexually abused by my father. I hated life! I prayed I would die because I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I can’t remember not even one time ever being hugged by my mother. It just didn’t happen. In fact, I was never hugged by my grandmother, and not her step-mother. They gave us money and gifts instead of love. I had to learn how to love when I started dating. I couldn’t accept being held tight and loved. I thought it was something we were not allowed to do. All six of us kids were abused physically and mentally. I was told I would never amount to anything. I was too dumb and stupid. I was the only one that professed, and then a few years later, my sister professed for a short while, just because a worker kept begging and bugging her. She hated the “truth” so much she started drinking and would come in drunk almost daily. I never smoked, nor did I drink, but I sure wanted to. I just wanted to live my life in a drunken state or drugged up, not knowing what was going on around me.

We had to do everything the workers told us to do. I wanted so badly, to go to my high school prom, or even just a dinner, but when my parents asked the workers, it was always “no”. I hated it! I then wished I had been born into a different family. What a punishment to be in this so-called “only way” to Heaven. To me, it was living in Hell. Can’t, can’t and no, can’t!! I got so tired of hearing it, I became a shell. Barely passed school, and I wanted out so I wouldn’t have to face my friends in school anymore. In fact, what friends???? They wanted to be friends with me, but I was afraid and ashamed of the way I lived. Ashamed because I wasn’t allowed to enjoy my life like they did. They were happy, I was sad and depressed and had a nervous breakdown at a young age in my life. I wanted to go out and enjoy helping others in their needs. I wanted to go to Sunday School to learn about Jesus. I had friends that went to church, but we were told they were heathens. I loved music, but we weren’t allowed to listen to music. We didn’t have TV, and I really didn’t care, but music - how could that make you go to Hell?????

My parents had a TV hid in their bedroom. Who were they hiding it from?? Was God not able to see in the closet???? Who were they serving really? God or the Workers - yes, the workers. I grew up being the most unhappiest person in the world. I hardly ever smiled, and got comments when I did. No fun, no joy and couldn’t even sing a “worldly” song. What a miserable life. I was 16 going on 90. I wanted to go on a date in High School - WHAT, a date?????, oh, but that was so sinful. Goodness, what was I thinking????? That was just for the worldly kids, not the only ones going to Heaven. My, my!!

I figured I would just be a maid, so I offered for the work. I was really hoping I would die before I went. Well, Herbert Childers wrote me back and told me I was not strong enough. Oh, how true he was. So, I planned on spending the rest of my life an old maid. There were no professing boys in my area. None. We were not allowed to date outsiders, so what choice did I have but stay in my house growing old alone. I was still confused as to why God wanted us to live like this. My grandparents died staring at four walls. They looked so sad all the time. My grandfather loved football, but wouldn’t give in because he wanted to keep himself worthy for the workers. Meeting in the home and all.

I got a job working for the state police not far from my house. My very first job and I was so excited!! Christmas time came and the company was having a party and told me I had to be the “greeter”. Oh no, how was I going to tell my parents. I was going to lie and tell them I was going to work over. Oh, I couldn’t do that, I might get killed on the way to the party and then what? One of the young ladies I worked with told me she had a friend that wanted to take me out on a date. Double trouble …… can’t do that. I would definitely be beat by my dad. So, I said “no,” I can’t. In January of the following year, I met Gary anyway, and decided to just go on one date. It was love at first sight and we married six months later, married 35 wonderful years. He has now gone on into eternity, but the marriage lasted. I was not allowed to take part in meeting the entire time I was dating Gary. I was embarrassed to tell him, so I just left the group for a short while. We later talked about church and he was asking me about the meetings. He wanted to go to a Gospel Meeting, so we went. Again, I was embarrassed to take him. I was shunned, but he was welcomed with open arms. He kept coming and finally professed. So, we went to meetings and, again, I had to wait a year before I was, again, worthy to take part. That bothered Gary so he talked to the workers. They told him I had to prove myself worthy to be able to take part again. He could not figure out what in the world could be wrong with him that I couldn’t take part????????????

We were married and raised our two wonderful girls in the cult. Our life was not a happy one. We wanted the kids to be able to do sports, etc., but we didn’t. Our youngest daughter was hyper and would have loved to do sports. It would have kept her out of trouble. Instead, she became a mother at 16. The workers were livid with her, but what do you do now. She has her baby and now I am raising her. She is a great asset to me. Gary and I were 21 when we married. Our two girls professed at one time, but left when they left home. I believe the youngest left earlier.

I was one with whom the workers were not friendly with. I learned a lot about being “unloved” through them. Some would stay at our home for a week at a time and became upset if I had to work over. I didn’t realize their arms were broken and they were so unable to put a little something on the table. How hard is that? However, they waited until we returned home from work for me to cook. Some would come to our home and not like what we fixed to eat and let us know as such.

Not too long ago, two sister workers came to my house and one of them didn’t like my home. She didn’t like it that she had to share a room with her companion for that day. She saw we had a cat and said she had to leave, she was allergic to cats. She really hurt my feelings because she said my house wasn’t as clean as it should have been. I cried, but didn’t want to. I was so happy to see her leave.

I didn’t enjoy ANYTHING about being a 2x2. I only did it to please my family and I felt more loved and wanted when I did. I hated going to meeting and having to take part. It made me sick and nervous. I hated convention because in the dorm they would all get together and share laughs, etc., and leave me out. I never felt like I was a member around those professing people.

I was afraid of the workers. I had been jumped on by workers on things I never did. I could not understand that at all. I had to accept that because the workers wanted us to accept responsibility. So, I hated it when I was alone with the workers. They had no understanding of the Bible. I would ask questions, and the next thing I would know, they were talking about an experience in another field. Not one question was ever answered. I asked if Jesus was God and the answer was “maybe”.

My husband and I had Wednesday night meeting in our home and some Gospel Meetings. It was embarrassing, really, because our singing was terrible. I never felt any real spirit among those people. We would leave meeting and everyone seemed so depressed. In their testimonies they would cry and tell how they had failed and wanted to be more like the true servants of God????????

There had been a lot of disappointments while being a 2x2. Lots of things just didn’t add up to me. If they were the only ones going to Heaven, why did they hide? Jesus was everywhere preaching the truth in the people. He didn’t turn anyone down. He never stopped preaching. Jesus’ first priority was to teach and preach in whatever way it had to be, healing, miracles, etc. What are the workers doing to prove this is the only way to Heaven? I never saw it. Why are they not preaching from the roof tops? I sure would be if I was preaching the only true way to heaven. I never felt like shouting to the world that I was in the only way to Heaven, come and follow me. I feel so different now that I am a true Christian. I am rejoicing and wanting to tell everyone that I am a born-again Christian. I never felt that way while professing.

My dad died during convention time and he had professed for many, many years. I could not find a worker that even wanted to come and have the funeral. I was talked to like an idiot and told not to make a phone call out at convention again. They said convention was important and to find someone else to have his funeral. I left it in the hands of one of the friends who was a worker worshipper and he found a “new” young boy in the work to leave convention and hold dad’s funeral. It bothered me and I dreaded telling my family. Especially my mother. We didn’t tell mother for a long time. Non worker worshippers don’t get the privileges of those who worship. Makes me ill!!

When my grandparents, who spent most of their life having meetings in their home doing whatever the workers wanted them to do, was shunned when they became old and not able and not one of the friends called or visited. I thought that was kind of weird.

Now, my mother is old and not able to get out to meetings. She has received no phone calls, no visits or any cards. This is so sad that I just want to cry. She gave all she had when she could, and now she can’t, and she gets nothing in return. What is wrong with this picture?

For several years, I had been reading the Internet about the things that had been discovered about the 2x2s, but didn’t want to believe them. In fact, I didn’t for a few more years down the road. It made sense, and I could enter into so many of those testimonies, but didn’t want to believe it. I wasn’t ready just yet, I don’t believe. I had to suffer a little more before my eyes could fully be opened.

Then my husband died and many figured he was in “hell”. Many thought it was terrible he died “outside”. I knew that was wrong thinking and should have never come out of their mouth. I then started listening a little more carefully in the meetings. Wow, what judgmental people!! False prophets, false preachers, etc., and they made fun of everything and everyone outside the group. I didn’t like that at all. It started to bother me so much, I knew I had to leave. No testimony was helpful because God was never praised in the meetings, not even by the workers. God is not mentioned very much at all in the meetings. It is workers and their experiences. In fact, I can’t tell you when I heard God mentioned and given the credit for the reason they were there. It was always the workers, they were the reason they were there.

Two years after my husband passed away, I decided to leave and never go back. I was so scared I hardly knew what to do. I visited several churches, and nothing was there for me because I was too scared. Scared that Jesus would return and find me in a church building. I attended BSF classes shortly after leaving and the church it was in was very scary. Crosses were everywhere, I trembled every time I went to class, but I dearly loved BSF and most of all, the wonderful Christian women I met. I could not believe my eyes. They had a beautiful spirit, one that I wanted.

After fighting my feeling for a long time, and visiting more churches, I went to the one where BSF was held. I was so nervous I almost fainted. The room started to spin and I thought I was going to have to leave. I had a terrible panic attack. I knew I was going to die in that church building, and God would never forgive me. We started singing, and I felt something right away. Praying and preaching, and I truly felt the spirit, so I kept going. I took my daughter with me, and she loved it. She said she was going even if I didn’t. It is almost 30 minutes away, that would have been a long walk for her. Anyway, Christmas time came and I saw all this church was doing, so I didn’t go back for quite sometime. Just too much for me to take in and thought it was way too “worldly.” How sad is that????? So, after the first of January, 2008, we were drawn to go back. Oh, it was so wonderful to be back with the only family I ever knew. The preacher knows the Bible and I was learning so much. I had no idea why I even left to begin with. I really missed a lot of good sermons and fellowship. On January 27, 2008, my daughter and I wanted to be baptized. I didn’t have to be, but just wanted to. Never, never in all my life, have I ever had a peace like that. I was afraid of the water, but when he put me under, I could have stayed there forever. A peace I have never felt before. It was God’s way of telling me it was okay and I was going to be just fine. I asked Alex if she felt anything in the water. She told me it was a natural high. I was so pleased.

Since then, I can’t stop smiling. My heart is so full of love and joy I think it is going to burst at times. What a wonderful feeling. I just want to go shouting to the whole world about God and how wonderful He is.

One day two professing 2x2s took me to lunch and thought they were going to scripture-beat me. I don’t know how, but I threw scripture at them left and right. They had NO idea what to throw back at me. There was nothing. They were holding their heads down. The waiter came over and asked me what church I went to????? Wasn’t she suppose to be asking them? After all, they are the ones in the dark clothes and their hair in a bun? They are the ones living a “living testimony”, right? Nothing was said to them about their religion. That upset them and they told me I was listening to man’s wisdom and that got me nowhere. Hummm, it got me somewhere, didn’t it? Then they discussed how it mentions in the Bible that because I once knew and had the Truth, that God would see I got twice the punishment. I asked them to hold out their hands and they did so. I told them I did not see any nail prints. They both turned beet red. It really is sad, and I pray for these people constantly. I fear for them. I hurt for them. I ache for them. No love, no understanding, and they have never met the One and Only God that I have come to know. What a thing to miss!

I have been condemned to Hell by my own mother. It hurts, but I can’t give in to man’s thinking. She wants to prove to me that it says in the Bible she is in the only true way to Heaven, but her eyes have grown dim and she can no longer read the Bible. May God help those who don’t have Christ in their lives. It is the most awesome feeling and a feeling that will go with us into all eternity. I can’t thank God enough for all He has done for me. I can’t thank God enough for the time I fell to my knees in my bedroom screaming and crying for Him to show me what was right - if the 2x2s were the true and only way to Heaven, then give me the strength to do it. I hated the marks in my life of judging, being sad and all that goes with it, but was so willing if that was what God really wanted. If not, please lead me out of it and help me find true Christians.

 I never went back. I am now the happiest person on the face of this earth. It isn’t easy to leave. In fact, you leave all behind, go forward and do a lot of praying to face a world we never knew.

God wants us to be happy. He wants us to rejoice and He wants us to know we are saved and we are all His children. Don’t judge, don’t say nasty things - don’t hurt His children!!

I hope this helps someone. It is the best thing I ever did in my whole life. I look forward to eternity with a joy I cannot even begin to express.

Diane Hensley

2007-2008